When I was a kid I had a pretty bare bedroom, no gold medals, framed certificate, let alone a picture with an artist. There was only two trophies, both of them congratulates me for excelling the other students in the pre-school. (See how Indonesian academic institution has set the scene for the students to competing with each other since pre-school)
So I was around fourth grade at that time, and I’d never been able to be the best in class again. At the end of first semester my Mom said that: I could have done better, I had a gifted brain, I’d been able to speak at the age of two, name the object correctly at the age of three, and memorize a couple verses of the Holy Quran since pre-school. “You were too complacent and never put enough effort to get the things that you wanted,” She said.
On the second term, I figured out that my friend was cheating during the exam. So I followed his steps, I smuggled a book for the subject that I found was difficult, and hid it beneath my desk, then I looked for the answers when nobody was paying attention. It scared me to death at first, but then I got used to it.
My friends knew that I was cheating during exam, but I kept myself silent, pretended to know nothing. On the final day of the exam, I sat in the front row of the class. I felt numb, I skipped studying the night before, and I constantly look beneath my desk for answers. One-by-one my friends were leaving the class, until I was left alone with my inspector. I know he saw me cheated that day as we exchanged looks, yet he set me loose. I continued copying the answers from the book until I finished, then I submitted my answer sheet.
If he wasn’t my own teacher, maybe he would’ve discarded the papers right away. He didn’t bother to say a word, or even to look at my face. But he left me a feeling of numb, and guilty. Suddenly I felt pity for myself.
I’d never cheated on my exam again ever since, I want my exam to be as personal as my own benchmark. I’d given up cheating not because I was honest, rather because it felt awful. I honor this value as “inner honesty“, and I’m glad that I learned it by experience.
selikurdirham 